Beyond Birthday's ABCs
by Blazenaire Alda
Summary: After being caught guilty of a specific crime, Beyond Birthday is forced, by court order, to fufill community service. Who in their right mind would leave a criminal in care of children is beyond me...


**A/N: Alright… new laptop, fresh new start!**

**This is a oneshot dedicated to Cutebutdeadlyalchimest for her accepting my request for a letter in her story 'Letters To Lovers', yes I am a Mail Jeevas fangirl!**

**Warning: This story is extremely messed up, so of course it involves coarse language and sexual references (extremely perverted sexual references). I should write movie restriction labels for a living.**

**Disclaimer: I own none of the characters or anything else related to Death Note I this story…**

* * *

><p>Squinting to see. All surrounding me was a harsh light. Nothing but light. Apparently justice was to be given to me for nothing more but observation, a very petty crime! They called it 'unwanted harassment.' All it was is just gathering data for an experiment.<p>

The three men in the room beckoned from the shadows to gain my attention. They received the result which is what they were expecting, now why can't I receive mine? All I received was these rather old ropes fraying as I sat in this peculiar chair. The legs looked as they had been kicked a few more times than anticipated, if I were immature and childish enough, I suppose I could rock back and forth not unlike a wooden horse.

… _If I were childish and immature enough…_

* * *

><p>"Now, are you Mister Ryuzaki?"<p>

Fuck! This woman was irritating running out strawberry jam! As a matter of fact… I actually haven't had any jam for at least the two weeks I was in custody. Plus the week trying to outrun the law enforcement. Additionally being trapped inside an attic. For the love of sugar, I NEED SOME JAM!

Wait… I think I just screamed the last part out judging by the strange glance I received from the woman with the technicoloured nightmare dress. That… thing was hideous! It can barely even be deserved to be recognised as clothing!

"Yes… I am Mister Ryuzaki."

I swear the only thing keeping me from ripping her insides apart either the police-woman standing besides the woman staring at me with some kind of lust, or the fact that I was to endure a day of this or fifteen years getting it up the arse from overly steroid-junkie rapists.

"Well… we recognise your current situation and I believe this was went over after the court case was closed. All we require of you is a day of service as a childcare worker."

Wait… did she say _childcare?_

"I simply refuse to wipe some little infectious child's nose as punishment for a crime that doesn't even exist. My terms were made simple in court. No telletubbies and _no children._

"Well Mister Ryuzaki, this is the service the court has given you to serve at. If you do not cooperate, I'm afraid you'll have to serve prison time."

"Fuck this! I refuse to do this…"

Rising from my seat, I turned to have yet another pistol held to my head. Ah… the memories of such cold metal leaving that icy sensation against my temple. I know that I need to stop this liking for cold metal against my skin but the feeling is so… invigorating.

"By order of the Court of Los Angeles, you are permitted to serve sixty hours of community service at various locations. One of these happen to be this daycare centre, which you will begin to serve your time in little more than twenty minutes. As long as my name is Officer Wendy June, you will serve this time."

I really hate this policewoman. Giving me such mixed emotions coming from her, first she wants me to bend her over and scream in pure ecstasy, now she's holding a gun to my head. Oh wait… that's real kinky!

"Fine… You make a persuasive argument Miss June, I'll submit."

Surely my suggestive tone and wink should set her imagination going. I know she wants me badly, so she really should just let me tear the very clothing off her back and devour her.

* * *

><p>"Good morning Miss Rose!"<p>

I think I am truly in hell. Technicoloured nightmare happens to be named Rose, additionally she looks after children several hours a day. Not to mention I think one of them sneezed on me.

"Now everyone, this is Rue. Rue is going to be with us today to share all your fun and learning!"

How can these… things be applauding my presence? I want nothing more than to rip all their little necks out and use them as garden ornaments. Still paranoid that I got sneezed on… one of them is going to give me whooping cough or pox or something.

"Boys and girls, let's all welcome Rue with the welcome song!"

Oh fuck no! Why, for the love of strawberry jam, why? These tone-deaf children are worse at singing than at keeping their infectious microbes away from my healthy immune system!

Finally… one hell was over and it is now officially snack-time. Hopefully I can find some jam in this place. I do recall seeing a fridge around here somewhere when I first arrived here.

"Oh… Rue, do you mind helping me pass all the sandwiches around to the children?"

Miss (incorrectly named) Rose now began to stare at me. I know I am the living embodiment of a fucking genius sex god, but my time is quite precious indeed and I have many endeavours to overcome throughout the entirety of my lifespan.

"I suppose so…"

Not like I am truly given a choice in the matter anyway…

"Alright. The red plates go over to the first table, the blue to the following three and the yellow to the rest except the last, which are pink plates."

Good thing I'm a genius otherwise her lousy directions would've gotten the metaphorical chicken lost halfway through walking across a clear highway. Seriously, if she wasn't a smoking hot brunette, I wouldn't touch her with a nine inch steel hard pole.

Now… to hand out these plates with poorly assembled slices of bread slightly held together with some sort or semi-liquid spread. Red plates contained tomato sauce, blue was nutella, yellow being peanut butter and pink…

"Holy shit!"

Fuck… guessing such obscenities are not exactly recommended for the ears of growing offspring I suppose… but they had strawberry jam! Four plates filled with delicious, sugary sweetness. I was forced to give three of them away but I now had finally found my holy grail!

"Excuse me mister, can I have my sandwich?"

What fucking little midget dares separate me from my sandwich? Oh great… a little blonde haired girl. Though I'd like to question whom allowed a midget child to stick a piece of metal through her ears? I never understood that…

"No little girl, this is my sandwich."

Fuck… now the bloody leech is crying! Why does everyone have to stand in my way between perfect harmony of Rue Ryuzaki and his strawberry jam? Fine… deep breaths… act rational.

"Um… listen, if you let me have this sandwich, I'll give you fifty bucks to buy a new dress… and piece of ear metal. How does that sound?"

Thank money for solving all issues in life! The little Japanese blonde started giggling and jumping up and down on the spot gleefully.

"Okay Mister Rue."

She than ran off squealing about her first payment ever, I know she will one day end up somewhere successful if she keeps going the way she is. Now to finally enjoy my jam sandwich in peac…

"Excuse me Rue."

"What is it, little boy?"

"I want fifty dollars too!"

Oh fuck! Now I've got twenty seven children pissing me off asking me for money… I knew I would regret this sooner or later. Fifty dollars just is not enough in this fucking world to enjoy a strawberry jam sandwich in peace these days…

"Everybody! Mister Rue just had to give something Misa dropped back because when you find something that isn't yours, it is always the right thing to give it back to the person."

Finally I have at least one non-sexual thing to appreciate about Rose now… Though I still want to make her groan like a wild beast in heat. Nothing could change that desire…

"Okay everybody, time to put your blocks away. It's learning time!"

Rose really needed to stop doing those movements… at least around the children. Bending over that slowly and glancing behind to me obviously is an invitation to show her a more pleasurable reason to bend over than to simply pick up multi-coloured building blocks.

She rushed over and pulled my arm over in front on some kind of poorly cleaned whiteboard and picked up a marker suggestibly. Moving those soft hands of hers up and down, then up again then ever-so-slowly bringing it back down again.

"Rue is going to be teaching you the ABC's today! First he'll tell you a letter, write it on the board then say something that starts with that letter. Okay everybody?"

With the cheers and clapping of the little ones, she placed the marker into my hand then walked off slowly, shaking that perfect arse of hers.

"Erm… okay. A. A is for axe."

Wait… did the children just repeat what I said? Wow… I could teach them any word I wished and they'd repeat it.

"B. B is for blood.  
>C. C is for cutting.<br>D. D is for dead.  
>E. E is for evil.<br>F. F is for fucki-"

"Wait kids!"

Rose jumped up off the table just as I said fucking and screamed… I'd love to make her scream while fucking in reality. Though I may have crossed the line with that one… Oh well. Just a simple test to see my limits anyway.

"I am so sorry to say but it's time for Rue to go home now. Well everybody say goodbye Rue."

Those little bastards actually liked me… Something I would have never guessed in all my years of being on this earth. Rose pushed me out of the room and sent me stumbling and locking the door behind my fall… Along with a piece of paper inscribed with _'call me'_ with a phone number on the other side.

I suppose being a psychopathic murderer does have its perks after all when you see through the misery.

* * *

><p><strong>AN: Sorry for quick ending, though I am writing this in science class instead of filling out worksheet on the products on an acid and a metal…**

**Well I am well and truly sure I have just utterly destroyed an amazing character in a few paragraphs… I feel so ashamed but that is the true beauty of poorly written fanfiction!**


End file.
